


You Smell So Good

by calicoswritingkatts



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: M/M, Swearing, anyway no one actually asked for this, blood mention, blood tw, but right now it's fili's fictional auntie, fili and kili are not related, hungry kili, i might have more characters in this later on, non-related fiki, vampire! fili, werewolf! kili, who is getting actual hunger confused with something else...
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-06 11:22:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11599617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/calicoswritingkatts/pseuds/calicoswritingkatts
Summary: My fill for gatheringfiki's second Fiki Week - Inspired by Music!So here is a bit of a work in progress that I’m not entirely finished with yet, but here it is! This wasn’t the initial story I had in mind, but I couldn’t help myself! This is actually not so much inspired by the song, as it is inspired by the music video, which most fans know as Du Riechst So Gut ‘98 (they made two for this particular song), which you should watch right now...(And what I’m watching right now as I’m writing this!) There’s probably grammatical errors running rampant; I hadn’t had the time to touch it up, but here it is!…Kili is a werewolf who moves to the country side to avoid eating people. However, he gets a craving every once and a while, and happens to find some dinner living in a cabin. Unfortunately for Kili, his prey isn’t so easily caught…I apologize if this is a little morbid, it was all meant in good fun. Mein Teil might also work for this too….





	You Smell So Good

Being a werewolf in the city wasn’t exactly easy. When the full moon makes it’s appearance, and all the bones and ligaments in my body start to contort and shape into a gargantuan, gnarly beast in the middle of the subway, things didn’t exactly go too well…and I happened to think I was a relatively good-looking werewolf.

I suppose it had something to do with the fact that, when I was in that state, I happened to rip and tear things, and those things happened to be people.

Hence why I thought it was best that I move out into the countryside. There was still usually a sufficient supply of food (read: people.), and I was still fairly close to civilization – the nearest grocery store should I not feel the need to eat people - was around 30 minutes away, but with my werewolf speed and reflexes, I could make it there in around ten minutes. (Fifteen if I found a really, really, really cool stick to play with.)

Also, the screams of my victims took longer to travel out here should I come across a person to eat, making it easier for me to simply hide the evidence and make my getaway. (There was a really good spot for me to dig holes to hide my cool sticks I found, and also the remains of people I didn’t quite let get away.)

It’s not that I liked being this way – it was simply how I had to live since my encounter with the bitch – literally and figuratively- who turned me into this thing. I didn’t like eating people, but when I was transformed I couldn’t help but get the urge to rip and tear things to shreds. (At the very least, eating my victims was a way of cleaning up my mess, right?) Now that I was living out in the countryside, it meant it was safer for the general public, since I was less likely to kill people out here. Instead, most of my victims ended up being deer, rabbits, and the occasional pheasant. I actually preferred deer to people, since they lasted longer and I felt far less morbid chopping up the rest of their remains I couldn’t quite finish, and shoving them into my deep freezer for later. Besides, deer had more meat on them anyway.

Every so often, however, I get a craving, an itch I need to scratch that didn’t involve fleas. I needed something particularly delicious, something rare and delicate. Tonight, I needed to hunt for people.

Werewolves had particularly excellent senses, even when not transformed into a big, hairy beast. I had been sniffing this particular cabin just south of me for a few days. I picked up a scent of someone particularly delectable, and it seemed like he either lived there or was taking some sort of vacation – a summer cabin, perhaps? Last Tuesday, I happened to be out burying some sticks by the river (Sometimes, I get the insatiable urge to bury things.), when I spotted him. He had been hauling logs, it seemed, back to some place, carrying an axe in his free hand, while carrying a few logs over big, broad shoulders. He must have been out there for a few hours, as I could pick up a salty scent, probably sweat. A white shirt had been taken off of his torso and was now hanging from his back pocket. Making a short, canine whine, I immediately stopped my digging, and began to follow his trail. It appeared that I had found my next victim.

Now,In the moonlit night, I now stalked the premises of his cabin, sniffing the air to try and catch his scent once again. He was home. Good.  
I held back the urge to howl at the moon to avoid suspicion, and to avoid any wolves from finding me and wanting to play catch. (This happens a lot more than you would think to werewolves.) I didn’t want to play today, at least not with wolves.

First, I needed to find an appropriate entrance. Werewolves didn’t just knock on doors and ask for directions. Werewolves had much more style then that. The element of surprise was always in my nature. (The folks in the subway that one time were mighty surprised, let me tell you.) I needed a window to pounce through, or a roof to bust open and fall down from. Even breaking down a wall would be suitable. I just needed to find a loose wall, or a weak window pane….

I couldn’t just waltz right in normally. He would surely run and scream the moment he saw me. And besides, I knew he had an axe that he probably wasn’t scared to throw at me should the situation arise. (Also as I discovered on Tuesday, he also had very broad shoulders, so there was the slight possibility he could overpower me, potentially. Or perhaps pin me down, and maybe tie me up. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibility that he had some rope, too, since he had an axe.)

As I reached only a few feet of the cabin, I decided it was now time to make my presence known. I let out a long snarl. Then, I proceeded to grunt, and thrash wildly at exterior walls. Scratch, scratch, scratch.

I waited a few moments. Nothing. Again, I thrashed at the walls, this time louder, and made more snarling, ghastly noises. I added increasingly loud panting noises…..Still nothing.

I peeked carefully into the window. He sat on a lounge chair, with headphones in his ears. Dammit!

Thrashing wasn’t going to work, since he couldn’t hear me. I lightly tapped the glass, out of his site, of the window. It seemed to be fairly old, and more importantly, fairly breakable.

(It’s really quite embarrassing when you try and break a window and you face plant into it….And go off whimpering because you’ve hurt your paw.)

Immediately, I ran to gain momentum to crash through the window with my strength. I had it planned out in my head. I would first run through the window (as it broke easily from my strength), then, I would present my massive, frightening stature before him, howling furiously. He would then, of course, with all of his might, lunge towards me, grabbing me and pinning me down on the ground. With all my might I would then try to escape his clutches, his muscles contorting and flexing to keep me down on the ground. He would then reach for the rope that he kept conveniently in his back pocket, and he would tie me down so that I couldn’t break free. His strong, sturdy hands would loop the rope around my body, it twitching with passion as I felt his hands every so often brush up against me. He would tell me I was a very, very, very bad dog and force me to stay. To be sure I wouldn’t escape from my rope prison, he would keep me pinned under his might, his face pressed up to mine. My prey would playfully mock me and continue to call me a naughty dog. As I whine for him to set me free, begging for him to release me, while he, his burly, manly being leaning above me, rejects my feverish cries. He would keep me there, his prisoner for the night. 

….Anyway.

Once I reached the appropriate distance, I leaped off my haunches and swiftly made my way towards the window, gaining speed and momentum. Before I knew it, I reached the window, and was able to crash through it *, stumbling my monstrosity into his living quarters. I let out a fierce growl, turning towards him, only finding the chair completely empty. I made a confused canine noise.

*I had to try this about four times before finally breaking the window glass, but at least it worked.

I sniffed, and looked around for any sight of my next meal. An overpowering smell of popcorn being popped wafted through my nostrils, followed by the accompanying sound. Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop! It sooned stopped, and there was the sound of rustling in the room adjacent to me. Cautiously, I started to move forward, when almost in an instant he stood before me, seemingly from out of nowhere. He let out a startled gasp, dropping the bowl of popcorn he had in his hand, and whatever drink he had been holding.  
“Well, sunnuva bitch….” was all he said, raising his hands slightly and slowly starting to back up. There was a table against the wall that had a drawer, which he was reaching out for.

This wasn’t exactly how I had planned this encounter. He wasn’t raising his hands to me in the same way I imagined, or trying to tackle me, but it was possible he was reaching for some rope to try and thwart my plans to eat him. He also was fully clothed – I imagined he would be far less so, at least in my initial plan.  
(The clothes thing wasn’t that bad, really. However, it was one extra layer of packaging I had to remove before finally getting to the meat, so I had to waste that much more time trying to eat him.)

I let out a low growl as he began to open the drawer of the table slowly, walking towards him. However, the smell of the popcorn he had just popped was starting to get really  
distracting, the smell wafting all throughout the room. I tried to ignore it, and kept my eye on the prize. Soon, however, he was lifting out a what appeared to be a stick, pointed at the end from the drawer.

A stick? No, not a stick. A stake. I chuckled to myself. Didn’t he know a stake wasn’t going to do anything to a werewolf? It was only pitiful, stupid vampires that were affected by stakes!

“Really?” I growled, “A stake? Wrong paranormal creature.” I assumed he couldn’t understand me, and that my words were just loud barks to his ears.

He then started to wiggle the stick in the air. Quicker now. I stopped moving forward, only focusing on the stick.

Just what did he think he was doing?!

“Here boy! You want this? You want this stick? Look-it this stick!” his voice was slightly raised now, and playful.

Please no. Please not the stick thing.

“Look-it the stick! You want the stick?”

I got down on all fours, and let out a playful bark. Then another. Followed by another. Soon, my tail was wagging furiously, and my tongue dangled out of my mouth, feeling the tingle of drool trailing down it.

“WHO WANTS THE STICK? DO YOU WANT THE STICK?!”

YES. YES I WANT THE STICK, I thought. I WANT THAT STICK RIGHT NOW.

“GO GET THE STICK!” he flung the stick to the far corner of the room, and I couldn’t help but scurry after it, my pathetic, anthropomorphic dog self thwarted by a damned stick. Soon, however, I came to my senses and could sense him getting away, heading towards the now open window that I had came in from. I spit out the stake and began to chase after him, knocking over furniture and ripping apart a rug with my claws as I pushed my weight forward.

He was smart, very smart, and maybe knew a thing or two about werewolves. I also couldn’t believe that I fell for the old go-catch-that-stick trick. Alas, though, I would soon have my feast. He couldn’t outrun me. No normal person could outrun a werewolf, not even the worlds fastest long distance runner.

This one, however, was appearing to be quite the challenge, being much quicker than the average human. He was nearly leaping over every piece of broken glass from the shattered window he came across, and any piece of furniture that got in his way. Well, two could play that game. I immediately lept in the air with all my might, launching myself into the air, about to tackle my entree with intense force.

Apparently, however, he had a similar idea. To my astonishment, he did nearly the same, slamming into me with brute force – a lot more force than I had expected from a mortal. He tackled me to the ground, his body pinning me against a couch that sat in just left of center of the room.

Well, maybe this was starting to go as planned…

Soon, I saw one of his hands reach behind my head, quickly. Wait, what was he doing? Was he about to – Oh. Oh yes. Oh my god yes. Yes. Oh my god. Oh my god oh my god oh my god -

The most incredible sensation hit me behind my left ear. He methodically was scratching me behind my ear, nearly stopping any chance I had at trying to gnaw his arm off, or any other body part for that matter.

“Now. Listen to me.” he began, his voice hushed yet commanding, “I know exactly why you are here.” He now was staring me in the face.  
I tried to pay attention to him, the only thing I could really notice at that given time was his eyes – they were piercing, and ice blue. Come to think of it, his complexion seemed rather off too - Oh, oh yes. Yes keep doing that, yes that right there – He seemed remarkably pale. I would imagine that for someone who was probably a lumberjack for a living and spent a lot of time outdoors, he should be slightly more tanned…

He continued to speak, “You are going to listen to me, okay?”

This was actually going somewhat as planned, it seemed…

“You are going to be a good boy, and you going to stop trying to attack me. Because I know a lot more about you then you probably realize.”  
He stopped doing whatever amazing thing he was doing behind my ears, and grabbed my collar – I hadn’t realized I put my collar on today…

“Kili -”

My snout nearly dropped, “Hey, how do you know my name?” I again spoke, but he probably only heard barks.

“It’s on your name tag.”

My what? Oh. Right. My collar.

Wait a minute…” You can understand me?”

He ignored me, “Now, Kili, you be a good boy, and sit down right here.” 

I did as he commanded. “So you can understand me?”

He still ignored me, “Do NOT move. Got it?”

I suppose it didn’t start out how I planned, but this was actually starting to turn out exactly how I thought. How very interesting.

“Yes. Perhaps you need to tie me up though.” I suggested.

“Listen, you mongrel,” I shuttered at that remark. How DARE he call me that, “I know you want to eat me. Given that there’s a limited supply of human flesh around here, I assume  
you probably saw me and thought I’d be easy prey. Isn’t that right?”

“Um.” I wasn’t really sure how to answer that question, “Well, I.. I guess, yeah.”

He replied back, “I’m probably the only…” he hesitated to find the words for a second, “food you’re going to find for a while.” He lifted his body up, “I’m something you want, and I actually have something that I need from you.”

Oh, this was getting interesting. “What do you mean?” I felt my ears perk up in excitement.

He was now standing up, and reached down to his thighs to brush off some dust and debris that fell on his clothing from our quick scuffle, “I will make you a deal.”

My ears perked up once more. A deal? Werewolves couldn’t resist a deal, especially when food was involved. Positive reinforcement always made our day. “A…deal?”

“You can eat me. You can suck on my bones and rip me to absolute shreds, but you need to do something for me first.” as he spoke, my tail started to wag.

I could feel the drool start to trickle down my mouth again, “Okay, then. What? What do you want me to do?”

There was a moment of silence, and he cleared his throat.

“I have someone, or something, that keeps getting into my garden.” he crossed his arms, “And knowing that you have superior senses, I think you can smell whoever, or whatever the culprit is.”

I panted a little bit before feeling slightly confused by his odd request, “..So you want me to find out who is getting into your garden? And I’m assuming stealing your -”

“Tomatoes.”

“…Stealing your tomatoes?”

“Exactly.”

Well this was interesting, “And then I can eat you.”

“You can do whatever you want to me.”

“But, once I find out who is taking your tomatoes, and then I eat you, what is the point? I mean, because why would you give a shit if you’re already dead?”

There was a pause before he answered, “My dear…” there was a pause, “…old Auntie. She’s been tormented for years by the tomato thief.”

I began to stand up on my haunches, about to reply back. He stopped me immediately.

“Did I say you could move?”

I sat back down on all fours, “Okay. You have a deal. I’ll sniff out your thief, and then you will be my dinner. I want all the trimmings though.”

“Trimmings?” He cocked his brow.

“I want you en flambe, with basil and oregano. Oh, and steak spice.”

“Hey, whatever you want. You can roast me, you can even toss me in a salad if you want with feta cheese and olives.”

The steak spice was sufficient, “Also, I will need to stay here…Until I find whoever is stealing the tomatoes. You might go and run away if I go back home.” He probably assumed that I was just going to leave. I wasn’t going to let my prey get away that easily.

“That’s fine, I don’t want you to leave.” I noticed a grin on his face. However, it made me slightly nervous. It was rather cheeky.

“What?”

“You know,” He hesitated slightly, “… it’s sort of like having a personal guard dog.”

I couldn’t help but feel slightly offended, “You do realize that I’m only a werewolf during certain times, right? Like, I’m not always this hairy.”

“Yes, but I also know that you can sniff out the culprit at any time. And if you are always around, then…you can catch the problem at any waking moment!” He answered back, almost nervously. For a split second, I wanted to say he was making up an excuse on the fly as to why he wanted to keep me there….However, it seemed he made a valid point. I couldn’t deny the fact that he was right about my other abilities – super hearing, the impeccable ability to pick up any scent….

I made another attempt to get up, and this time he didn’t stop me, “Alright. You have a deal.” I scratched my side, feeling an itch, “Let’s shake on it.”

He extended a hand to me, while I all too literally shook my whole entire body and howled playfully. Standing there, taking note of what I’m sure to him were my strange actions, he awkwardly shook his body, his backside waving back and forth, afterward making a strange sound that I assumed was supposed to be a yelp.

He then added, “A handshake would have been fine. You got hair all over my floor.”

I ignored him, and hopped up on the couch he had previously pinned me against only moments before. It felt nice to stretch out and relax, and I crossed my hind quarters and began to lay down on my back. “So I guess I’ll just sleep on the couch or…”

“Maybe the floor is more suitable for you.”

Well that was particularly rude. “I’m only going to be like this for a few more hours, at best. Until daylight. So I think the couch is fine.” I snapped back.

“You don’t have fleas, do you?”

You NEVER ask a werewolf if he has fleas. “NO.” I snarled, baring my teeth.

“I’m just checking.” He sat down in the same chair I first saw him in, and sat with his hands resting on his thighs. His eyes bore into me, and he wouldn’t take them off of me.  
I was starting to feel very uncomfortable. “Um. Maybe you can go to sleep? I’ll just be out here.”

“I’m fine.”

The intense stares continued, “It’s late, don’t you think you should go to bed?”

“I’m a night owl.” he cleared his throat a bit, “And I don’t sleep much anyway. So, I’m fine.”

I laid in awkward silence as my meal wouldn’t take his eyes off of me still. There wasn’t much of a chance I could fall asleep with him staring at me all night. It was really uncomfortable. I still remembered those eyes, and I also remembered other strange details about my meal that I found startling odd. He understood what I was saying, and he seemed to know a lot about werewolves. Something about the situation I found myself in was unsettling. I focused on a spot on the ceiling, and picked something out of my canine tooth with my claw. This was going to be a very long night.

I decided to break the tension, “So, you live here long, or?”

He answered back rhetorically, “Have YOU lived here long?”

“A few months.” unsettled, I replied back, keeping my focus on a spot on the ceiling, still feeling his eyes focused on me.

“So…um. My name is Kili,” I looked at my name tag, “What is yours?”

He ignored me again.

In my uncomfortable position, I decided to make a suggestion, “If you’re worried, that I’ll escape, you can just tie me up, you know.”  
I didnn’t know why he was so worried I was going to escape. We shook on a deal, and that was serious business.

He crossed his legs, “Let me know if you I need to take you outside. I don’t want you to shit in my house.”

I wasn’t liking my meals attitude. “Careful what you say, or I might mark my territory all over your house plants.”

“Careful, or you’ll be digging your own grave out back instead of your little safety spots for your bones.” he threatened.

How did he know about my safety spots?

I thought I heard him mutter under in his breath, “You have no idea who you’re dealing with, fleabag.”

Something told me this meal I had the bright idea of getting was not going to go down so well….

I opted for not trying to make any more conversation with my dinner, and continued to sit and stare at the ceiling, awkward silence the only sound in the room. Getting rather bored of staring at the blank nothingness of the ceiling, I shifted my focus to the wall directly in front of me. There on the wall sat a large mirror, just above a small table with a plain vase sitting on top of it. I hadn’t realized it at first, but when I focused my eyes once more, it was then that I noticed in the mirrors reflection sat the reflection of the chair my food was sitting in. However, the chair in the reflection appeared to be empty.

Had I been in human form, my face would have gone completely white and my whole entire body would run cold. However, my body being covered in fur happened to remain warm, although I could feel goosebumps being raised underneath my shaggy coat. My mouth went dry as I stared hopelessly at the reflection – or lack of – in the mirror. All the pieces were staring to add up now.

Oh, shit. He was one of them.


End file.
